How Does A Hiv Rash Feel

A Lovely Family - Encore des mensonges pour oublier nos idées noires

It is impressive to think how easily people become accustomed to lie: a lie, it calls another, the guilt slowly fades away, you always find new justifications ... And, finally, it is difficult to distinguish truth from falsehood.

In the history of my family, few have consistently shown themselves true, without deceit or misrepresentation. Beginning with them, even after you stop pretending not to love, Toby and Christine could not show more in each other's weaknesses and doubts, so they ran to simulate a calm that did not belong to them.

My mother was excited for the preparation of marriage: the time was flying and she could not keep up, torn between catering, decorations, invitations and clothes.

was alone in front of all those tasks, because its promise was immediately deployed to a small intimate ceremony - my mother had promptly rejected - with supporting their inability to help her.

Toby: I totally deny these things ... - He said - would be better if you thought of everything.

E she had put there effort, trying to realize his dream girl, but before the busy schedule, he realized to be left alone, and this was beginning to weigh terribly;

moreover, since Charlotte was born, my mother was isolated, losing all contact with their friends.

Already, Charlotte ... I wonder where it was ... It was like five years ... He must have made a few months earlier, perhaps in the arms of a new mother that he would close to repeating itself making them the best wishes and because she cared. Chris had never told him no, she was always too busy to do it by itself.

Christine You remember me? Hate me? Maybe not now, but when she's older ...?

Every day, towards evening, the sunset brings to mind these sad thoughts, and my mother cried all her tears, cursing all the mistakes, and especially for the larger one to have thrown away the most precious treasures.
But then came Paul and Virginie, who tripped demanded his attention, and she was ready to hear what they had to say to you, and watch every show them what they wanted.

now had two new lives that they care, and could not, should not disappoint them.



Toby was no less anxious. Since declaring himself to Christine and asked her to marry him, it was as if some of that pain that had always afflicted, had vanished, and yet, on the same night the red had begun to have nightmares: a woman staring at him with contempt, approaching slowly and uttering a few, terrible words.

asked if she was happy. If, now that he had obtained what he had always wanted, was really happy. And what's really scary, more than all the pain she felt in those nightmares, most of the anger which you submit, the more the fear that was instilled ... that, perhaps, that question made sense.

He could not think of anything else: instead of enjoying the happiness and love of his wife, Toby returned continually to those dreams and to that question.

Toby: I am happy? I'm really happy?

maybe did not know an answer. Sure, he looked around and saw only what every man wants, or should want: she had a beautiful home, two healthy and wonderful children and a woman who loved him and reciprocated.

In his mind, Chris would have to suffice as the source of all joy ... But then, how could he have doubted?



the evening, the two promised to meet under the sheets, and together they forgot for a while 'their problems, Toby, then he used to cuddle Chris in silence, until she fell asleep.

But one night, he surprised her and asked quietly, in a faint voice:

Toby: Why not make a baby?

you, half asleep, he turned to hope to see him with his usual wry smile, but was not there.

Christine A ... what?

Toby: a child. - He repeated quietly. - You know those little bundles soft kicking, screaming and crying?

She burst into a silvery laugh, filling the heart.

Christine course I'm there! I've had three! - answered without thinking. But then he realized what he had said, turned the other side and locked in a still silent Toby decided to respect that, that night the conversation was closed, then hugged and tried to sleep.



Christine did not want other children: he had never wanted, in fact, terrified by the possibility that as you grow up with an absent father and a mother, when she had her arms Charlotte, something in her, she was awakened and a deep love in his heart had burst. And yet, my mother was so volatile now dismissed by him later, too taken by itself, from its commitments, the love problems.

Then there was the abortion. She did not know she was carrying another child, he had not tried nor would, nevertheless, when he heard that you lost it, Chris felt a void inside lacerane himself, as if the whole world, with her son, she had abandoned. It was the first time I faced death because of his parents had been little more than a piece of news: there had been no funeral, had seen nothing but the two ballot boxes sealed. Even now he had seen nothing, it was as if there had never been anything in his stomach, but the physical pain he felt, and reached the awareness that we can lose that he cared more frightened her to death.

So, shut up in their suffering and their own fears, she left to escape even Charlotte, and then Franz. Now he had a family again, but what would last? And to what end, another pregnancy? To put someone else in the world to lose?

Toby, by contrast, had always wanted a large family, and now more than ever: she loved her two sons to distraction, would do anything for them. And their mother, of course. But he wanted a son that was searched, desired ... He felt he should not, but wanted proof that the family had been a desire of both, and he believed that the best proof that Chris could give him, had another baby.

My mother was very insecure, but her boyfriend does not was less: he knew that Christine was scared to death of being alone, and so feared that he had accepted the marriage proposal that only he remained close. He had run for fifteen years, and receiving achieved at the expense of another in which she had declared their affection. A young girl who falls in love with more people in a short time, it is not in love they felt unstable, but only prey of adolescence, but a woman who leaves her betrothed, who declared himself a faithful and loving, can perhaps be justified? Chris had sworn to love Toby for some time, perhaps even before the suggestion of Franz, but could he be certain that it was true and that she would not have never preferred anyone else?

The days went by more and more frantic, problems piled up, the work had become urgent to Toby and the restless sleep of weariness weighed on his body and his mood, he had little time and was irascible, so he preferred to avoid upsetting Chris, submerged by the preparations, with the risk of becoming undesirable.

But my mother - now you know - could not help but worry about the removal of him would have been enough to wait until the ceremony, because everything came back normal, but she did not know and was looking for something to back to business as usual.



Convintasi it was the desire for another child, the reason for the coldness of man, he decided to give him what he wanted: there were still five months of marriage, if you put the commitment - and the two had some problems in this - maybe would have had a positive response before the date fixed.

And so it was the day that separated her from the big event were halved, but the analysis they had undergone, were positive. Now that was true, however, he felt terrified. Terrified, but excited and happy at the same time it would have been difficult, would have to start over, but she was not alone, beside him the man she loved and was going to marry her.

Yes, it would soon be his wife - and mother again - happy. Still he was able to organize it, this marriage: the various mishaps were becoming heavier, and in a very negative affect on his mood and their reactions.
My brothers were too young to understand the limit of endurance of my mother, so it often happened that the date and they were making a better groomed. But that afternoon in May, it went much further.



Virginie: Mom! Mommy!

Chris sighed, pulling for the umpteenth time his eyes from the screen: What?

Virginie: Paul is bad! Do not give me the doll!

Christine Paul, return the doll to Virginia. - He said wearily, trying to recover the thread. He was writing yet another food guide, but could not concentrate because of the many thoughts that crowded his mind, and certainly the numerous complaints of children not helped.

Paul: There -ini 'active! No me! My doll!

Puffing, the mother turned to the major, imploring eyes: On , Virginie, let him have the doll! You will have so many!

Imagine if my sister, a child of two and a half years, capricious, selfish and jealous to no end, he could give to that request! Of course, she answered with a resounding "no!" And began pulling away from the hands of more baby doll, only to break it. At that point, both the children burst out crying, screaming and accusing each other,

until my mother in a fit of rage, did not raise her voice.

Christine Want to stop? I have wearied, there stand more! We do not live longer with you around! Enough!

This was not from her: Chris was used to scold their children while maintaining a calm, but icy, which is why Paul and Virginie, seeing her so angry, they were instantly silenced,

and then began to sob softly and start running toward the door. When Chris turned to the door, he saw something that scared: still with his hand on handle, with Toby looked disgusted and disappointed expression.

When the children were reached, he picked up Paul and Virginie motioned to follow him, determined to get them away from the one that did not recognize - or would not recognize - to be his girlfriend.

Christine Toby, listen ... - she calls it, trying to stop him.

He turned and glared at him, and then pronounce a sibilant "We'll talk later" and left in utter despair.

When Toby returned to the hall - a half hour later - my mother was still there, to ruminate on what had happened had shelved all, starting with those tasks for which she came to yell at their children, and had spent the last minutes on the ground in the corner, almost as if in that position so uncomfortable and hidden, feared that the troubles could not find it.

He caught up in silence, stopping right in front of her, lifted her head to look at Chris, but lowered immediately, failing to support the cold stare that he addressed.

Toby: do not like them anymore? - He began his.

Christine thought for a second: No, I ... I did not want to say ...

Toby: Can not live with them around? - The interrupted him, shouting the words.

My mother at first did not answer, so Toby urged the with a "So what?" that forced her to speak.

Christine not true! I did not want to say, I've taken with them because I was nervous ...

Toby: You're always nervous! - he cried, making jump. - You always do, do not have time for anyone! You always have a thousand thoughts on my mind and damn the evil that you do unto others! Nor do you see! Just think to yourself!

She stared, shocked and confused, yes, knew he had many faults, and often reproached itself for those shortcomings. But to hear list by Toby ... No, he could not bear such a thing.

Toby: And I wanted another child from you! You did well to negarmelo, because if you can not even take care of two children, imagine that you would do to end the third!

Without realizing it, Toby said the most terrible sentence that would ask you: what was the third child, or there would be, and that question was what Christine had set every minute since he had been able to of pregnancy. "What purpose would make" the baby in her womb? Would take him away, as with Charlotte?

He clenched his eyes and pressed her fists, trying to erase from his mind the weeping face of Charlotte that was taken away, stood up with difficulty, but - achieved the balance - did not hesitate a second to hit the face of ' man.

He froze: the slap he had done to herself, making him aware of what he had just said.

Christine: I am a mother so awful ... - shouted between sobs. - ... I do not deserve even to make the world a life? Not even groped to improve? - He covered his eyes with his hands, crying even more.

Christine I did not blame them, it's true ... But I can not face all this alone ... The church closed for renovation, the catering was terminated for that reason I do not know, the print shop that has all the wrong calls, and the dress ... - He raised his face to look than the boyfriend. - The dress that I have not chosen and which are not even sure I wear when I grow my belly too!

Then he slumped against the trunk of the other; Toby, shaken by these words, stood still for a moment, then took her wrists to move away and get an explanation of that last statement.

Toby: The belly? Why should grow ... - But the reason was so obvious, and breathtaking.

She bit her lip, undecided about what he had to say, the words to use, but knew he had to be direct, there was no other way ... He does not deserve otherwise.

Christine I'm pregnant. - He said angrily. He left his arms and stepped back in disbelief. - Porto in her womb the child that you had time, and now no longer want. - growled, more determined than ever to hurt him as he had done with her.

Toby bowed his head, guilty. He had said those horrible things, which also did not think, just the wrong moment. He had downloaded on all the frustration and concerns of that time, unaware of what was passing her star.

Toby: Chris Forgive me ... I exaggerated, I have tried, without thinking, those things without thinking ... Most of all, I said horrible things that I do not think at all. - She raised her eyes to meet hers, and saw that my mother was crying. She had seen him cry once, and perhaps that was really the only one where he did this ... From what he knew and what he regretted those words were true. But he could forgive him so quickly after what he had said?

He swallowed hard, she continued to fix it, nothing moved for a few interminable seconds. Then a voice broke the silence.

Paul: Pecchi Pianzano dad? - asked the boy, looking at first and then Toby Christine.

The man wiped his eyes, gave her an imploring look and then walked over to Paul, taking him in her arms.

Toby: But no, no, Dad does not cry! You know the boys as we do not have to cry, right?

My brother looked at him frowning, then said I do not cry.

Toby: Bravissimo! - complimented his father, ruffling his hair. - But now back in the room, eh! So how do you explain to me also, every time, to get out of bed!

Paul chuckled happy, while my mother watched them from afar, wondering why she is not able to be so affectionate with people he cared about most in the world. Then, before the two come out of the room, she heard the word address.

Toby: Chris ... You said that the calls were wrong, right? Then they are sent ...

Christine No, of course not ...

Toby: Then refer everything. Let's focus on the child to be born, rather than an event that seems cursed, and we're just moving away ...

My mother would have wanted to refuse, but realized that this was really the best solution: the fixed date is fast approaching and things ready decreased instead of increasing ... It would not be able to get everything ready in time and, since no one had yet been notified of it, might as well move everything to a later date.

Christine: Okay ... - murmured unconvinced. He smiled at her, sorry for everything, and then went away.



will seem absurd, but for Toby and Christine days there had never been so happy as those that followed their fight. Past the initial awkwardness - the words exchanged were hard to forget, for both - the weather had cleared and the pregnancy had approached them even more As he had not made the engagement. Even the red nightmares ceased.

The atmosphere was euphoric happiness and breathed in every corner of the house. Toby could not stay more than five minutes sitting at work, who already felt the need to go to my mother to hug her, kiss her, to ensure your love.

Everything was perfect, and when my mother was finally convinced that nothing could go wrong, did.

was night, the mother was asleep when a loud sharp pain woke her belly. It was a moment: the screams of pain woke mate,

which, including the situation of children rushed to wake up so you can load in the car the whole family and bring mom to the hospital. The accelerator pad on the empty road - I'm sick just thinking about how much they risked that night, all of them - was not enough because my mother arrived in time: the much-desired son never saw the light, his little heart stopped beating before they arrived at the hospital.


My mother, at the time of her second abortion was 36 years old: he was young, but not too much when it comes to having children. This, coupled with the fact that this was his fifth pregnancy and had already lost a child, with all the complications of the case, outlined a medical record which, according to Dr. Forman, should also precludes only the ' idea of being pregnant again.

Dr. Forman: It is inconceivable that no one has warned of the risks! If she had been a patient of mine since the beginning, I would have banned this pregnancy! - He said angrily. As a surgeon, gynecologist, he had seen many women lose their lives in such cases, often for lack of other doctors. Shots with a calm voice: - However, this does recur. Now you know what you would go to meetings, I do not think you want to repeat this experience, no?

Toby looked at my mother, hoping she would give some nod:

the day of abortion, Chris had not said a word, or did something that went beyond what was necessary to survival. Since that night, Christine had not even looked at their children.

Toby: No, doctor, we will be careful.

Dr. Forman: Sometimes the attention is not enough ... If you were Miss Délice get pregnant again, please let me know immediately, because then there would be no solution other than an abortion.

Christine started, attracting the attention of the two, then returned to his silence and Toby decided it was time to go home.

Toby: Thank you for everything, doctor. - said another, shaking his hand. - Goodbye.

Dr. Forman: Goodbye, Mr. Ried. And good luck ...


and luck, they would need. As the days passed, The situation got worse: my mother did not eat more, he spent entire nights crying in the nursery and turned hardly the word to his companion and he, meanwhile, was folded in on itself, returning to deal with the coldness of his girlfriend who had Usually the first year, and harboring anger and disappointment in itself.

Toby also suffered. He too had lost a child and wanted to despair and quit pulling their hair in their suffering. But he realized that there were to be dealt with Paul and Virginie, who had a life ahead and would have to face that pain and overcome it. But how could he, with Christine in those conditions? Without comfort and, indeed, charged with the extra weight to physical, emotional or psychological?

Toby: Come on, Christine ... Eat ... So, I would take the children, not you! - The impatient tone he said, during one of the many lunches.

She looked at him with disdain, then replied, I'm not sure that I asked you.

not had time to wonder what his voice was weak, he got up, slammed his palms on the table and said angrily: Shoot out, Christine. You think you're the only one to suffer? Well, not so! Do you feel entitled to dispose of your life as you want? Know that you can not! You have responsibility, you have a family ... you got me, dammit!

her, frightened and disturbed by the turn the conversation was taking, he rose to leave the room, but he held her by the arm and made her turn. The seized arms and began to slide the palms of the hands in a rhythmic movement, trying to calm down, his eyes fixed on hers.

Toby: If you think to yourself and do not want to think about your children, at least think of me! I know it's selfish to ask, but I do not take it anymore! I can not stand to see you again act like a vegetable, ignoring me and the children, I can not take care of their own, not at this time.

She lowered her eyes and said: I did not ask you this ... even

But before you can look up and see the reaction of the boy, caught up with a slap in the face: it was strong enough to have them made him lose balance, had been so painful to have them tarnished the view for a while, it was the first time he raised his hands over her, and it burned very more than physical suffering.

Toby looked at her for a moment, trying to convince himself that it was not to hit him, then, resigned to the reality of the facts, he walked quickly toward the door, but Christine's voice stopped him.

Christine is how do you deal with me from now on? - asked him, embittered.

Good question ... If he had continued so, at what point would come? What else could have done wrong? There was no other solution ...

Toby: I do not think I will behave in any way, with you, from now on . - replied, emphasizing the last words.

Christine Ch-what do you mean?

The man turned around, determined to speak out: I'm going , Christine.

Christine: No ... ... You can not go - my mother whispered in a broken voice. - can not leave me alone ...

He stood up and crawled towards him, falling on her knees and clinging to her legs.

Christine No! You ... you can not do it! - Shout - not you do not leave me here! Before you tell me that I must continue to live because I have responsibilities, and then tell me that you go, as if I could survive even a day without you! - said to him, looking him straight in the eye. - There is nothing, nothing that matters, that support me, let me go! There is only you ... - Completed, sobbing.

He leaned in turn, taking her hands: I'm sorry, I ... Do not take it anymore living like this, I'm going crazy! You see it yourself ... I would never, never!, Even thought the beat or hurt you in any way ... But it happened, and I can not even figure out how ...

Christine: It was my fault ! - interrupted him. - I deserved it, you're not wrong!

Toby: Chris, do not say stupid things ... - sighed. - But you do not realize the evil that we are doing? Ours is a love sick, is a feeling that can not lead us to another that the destruction!

Christine But ... But we were happy! Before we were happy ...

Toby: Are you sure?

My mother nodded, shaking his head.

Toby: Well, I'm not ... - continued, standing up. - do not even know if I love you more ... If I ever really loved.

Christine What are you saying? You ... you swore ...

Toby: Yes, I had sworn, and I believed it. - replied, trying to make it up, but now my legs do not support it anymore. - But when I asked what I loved you, I could not give me an answer. I can not find anything, other than your eyes or your body, I can truly say they love.

Christine I ... I'll change! Become better, I become what I want! But please do not leave me! Please, I'll do anything you want ... - muttered as he slumped to the ground again. - I'll do whatever you want ... - concluded, returning to cry. Toby the

looked for a moment, feeling his heart break.

Then he went out, determined to attend to those duties that would have allowed him to leave and get away from that house and all that pain.

--- To be continued ---

I apologize so much for the enormity of the late update! Especially since I'm not even able to finish the build and I'll add another chapter ... -.- 'Yeah, I'm a talkative hopeless! ç_ç

said that, before I was slaughtered, I run ... But not without again thank Giulia ( pirate_otty ) for photino appearing in a picture, although I know that at this point do not give a damn awards! : D Now I run

really! Kisses! :****